Mother's Day

This is Nahla.

(Otherwise known as: Pops, Nahla-Banana, Nahla-Bee, Nahla-Bug, 'Dingus', Wet-Pants & Pinga)

 Nahla has just entered her fourth month of being a little Human and I've just realised that I've hardly blogged about her at all!

Where to begin??

Nahla's birth was pretty pants, but she is AWESOME. I've never been a very gushy/sappy/sentimental person but this girl just brings out all of those emotions in me!

I'm fascinated by how much she changes every week, it seemed like only yesterday that we were so careful and ginger whilst holding her and now she's trying to jump up and down on my tummy and is almost sitting up by herself.

She has the most beautiful big eyes, soft mousey hair and this gorgeous unique smell that I inhale like I'm desperate for oxygen!

I put so many pictures of her all over the place, and talk about her constantly, it must drive people insane but I don't care! This girl is my absolute world. At first I was worried that I would be too selfish to take care of a baby, too independent and headstrong; but as soon as I saw her I was overwhelmed with the desire to protect and nurture her.

Nahla's laugh is the most hysterical thing I've ever heard and her smile is infectious, she loves smiling at people and is ridiculously chatty for her age, I'm told.

She does something new everyday so it's never a dull moment!

This man has done so much for me over the past few months; everything from holding me up in the shower after my cesarean, injecting me in the stomach to stop blood clots, feeding Nahla at 2am whilst having me wail into his shoulder at the same time. I owe him so much, yet continue to bark and shout at him whilst simultaneously purring and cooing at him ... thus is marriage after the birth of your first child!
 
Nahla and Pops are two peas in a pod when it comes to wanting to sleep in in the mornings, both of them are so lazy! I'll often be up and about long before they even start rubbing their eyes sleepily.

She smiles and laughs at Simon more than me, just the sight of him reduces her to fits of giggles and huge beaming grins... it must be something to do with his face, I tend to laugh at it from time to time too!

I find it so strange to see my husband holding a baby, it used to be pints of beer that he cradled but now he seems full of this new found wisdom. He picks up on her cries and knows what they mean, he can make her smile whilst she's in the middle of a tiredness-induced tantrum and makes her laugh by a mere flick of an eyebrow.

He tells her he loves her, and has affectionately nicknamed her 'Dingus' a name that I find quite endearing and that I know will be used to embarrass her on her wedding day!

To me, there is nothing more attractive than a man who dotes on his daughter, who reads her bedtime stories and bites her toes, puts her to bed and kisses her cheeks.

 I have changed so much since having her!

Naievely, I thought I would sail through this motherhood-business but it has been no easy ride. A traumatic birth, a difficult healing process and the onset of PND has seen me feel the most helpless and sad that I have ever felt in my life.

Simultaneously, my heart feels like it's going to burst with happiness!

Nahla is my daughter, my teeny little munchkin who nuzzles into me, who blows bubbles on my cheek, dribbles on all my clothes, pulls my hair and stamps her feet, and shares baths with me, being around her can snap from stressful to utter bliss in a few seconds.

Being a Mama is EXCITING.

I look at her and often think of what sort of woman she will turn into, I hope to nurture her into a strong, kind, driven Girl who has aspirations, intelligence and can hold her own.

As a Feminist, I want her to recognise and defend her rights as a woman and a person, I never want her to feel that there's something she can't do simply because of her sex.

As her Mama, I want her to succeed in life, for her to have a good job, a family of her own, an exciting hobby... these things are fine, but just knowing that she's happy would be satisfying enough.

I am loving her at this cuddly, teeny-weeny, adorably chubby stage, but also can't wait for the next milestones; talking, crawling, eating real food, walking etc, it all seems so exciting but happens so quickly!

In conclusion: Motherhood is a job and a half, but completely rewarding, especially when little girls like Nahla are involved!

Love,

Laura xxx